Brother of Sisterly Love

David: Noona, if you put that booger on me I will slap you.

Hana: (I proceed to put a booger on David)

David: Would you have been mad if I slapped you for that?

Hana: Yes! David, you can't hit a girl.

David: But I gave you fair warning.

****

Hana: I don't know if I should post our conversation. It makes me sound uncouth.

David: If you don't, I will.

Hana: Why would you do that?

David: To reveal to the world that you put boogers on people.

No Money, No Ploblems

Keep in mind that when I chat with Papa Kim, it takes him two minutes to type two words. So, kudos to me for having the patience for that.

Hana: hi Dad!

Papa: hi daughter,

Hana: how's it going?

Papa: what do you do? how much you make per week?how much rent?

Hana: office job, embarrassed to say, $180/week

Papa: that much!what you live in a mansion?

Hana: um, no. Appa $180 NZ dollars is like one night out in New York.

Papa: visit or contact korean community in nz.try to get a pt.job kind of teaching english.kick the door.

Hana: hahaha, ok.

Papa: what ever i ask you say ok.then you didn;t david did.

Hana: hahaaaaaaahaahhaha i listen to you! ...sometimes

Papa: david say my dad know everything iwant add my dad right everything.

Hana: hana say "my mom and dad know everything but this is my life, so i will make my own mistakes"

Papa: your mistake punch my hart.

Hana: aaawwwwwwww!!! I don't want to hurt you Papa. But I have to make my own decisions and find my own happiness.

Papa: as long as you happy no ploblem.

Footloose and Fancy-Free

The Kim parents are a bit overprotective. Indeed, I am language mitigating.

Hardworking immigrants, the Kim parents worked 80-hour work weeks from the moment they set foot in this country. They wanted a better life for me and my brother.

With heavy hearts, they left us home alone quite a bit.

The Kim siblings' primary filial objective was not to die while the Kim parents were at work. Unfortunately, that's all the guilt-ridden Kim parents could think about while they were at work: all the possibly avoidable and horrifically gruesome deaths of their wee Kim children.

So they would spend what little free time they had with us warning us of the dangers of the world. Papa Kim would warn us of the dangers of wild animals and getting caught in the middle of police foot chases. Mama Kim would tell a young asthmatic David that he would essentially be committing matricide if he up and died before her. You know, normal "I'll kill myself if" or "you will die if" kind of parenting stuff.

All of this I appreciated.

This is what I did not.

Mama Kim's biggest fear for me was that I would someday be the victim of Rape. Rape was always at the forefront of her mind. She warned me about Rape without ever really explaining the birds and the bees. We just skipped over that part (which is why till the age of 11 I thought babies were pooped out of the anus).

Whenever I would ask her if I could go to a friend's house, this is how the phone conversation would go:

Hana: Mom, can I go to Becky's house?
Mama Kim: No.
Hana: Yes.
Mama Kim: Becky has father?
Hana: Yes, Becky has a father.
Mama Kim: No. He gonna rape you.
Hana: Mom, he's not even going to be home today.
Mama Kim: Becky has brother?
Hana: Yes, Becky has a younger brother. I outweigh him by fifty pounds.
Mama Kim: Still he can rape you. Boys are stronger than girls.
Hana: (exasperated, tone: we've been through this a million times) Mom, he's seven! I've been to Becky's house a million times and I've NEVER. BEEN. RAPED!!!
Mama Kim: There's first time for everything, Hana.
Hana: (whimper)
Mama Kim: Okay, okay. But make sure you lock the bathroom door, otherwise you get rape and don't blame me.

The effect of hearing the word "Rape" almost every day of your life?

I know I am in no position to give advice to parents, but, please. Don't desensitize your daughters to the concept of rape. Otherwise they will turn out like me.